Dreams and goals...

It's an old picture - I just don't feel right not putting any photos in my posts!

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The Story: As you all probably know by now, I've started a youtube vlog and have been (relatively) eager and active in vlogging! I feel that in some ways I've pushed blogging aside, or so it may seem anyway...

I just want to clear up that it's not that I'm "replacing" blogging with my youtube videos, rather it's a medium I've really really wanted to try since a long time ago - I just didn't have the courage (or equipment/know-how) to do it until now.

Speaking of courage - I have to thank my best friend Zoe for pushing me to finally upload videos! I've been wishy-washy about a lot of things, and have been bothering people I know about my insecurities + curiosity about trying to make a vlog-channel - which may or may not sound silly... But I feel that putting video's of yourself versus writing is an entirely different experience - and it can be quite scary (for me at least...)! =O

So while I'm not the least bit popular yet, we'll see were this brings me...!

haha... -o-;;;

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In other news...
Lately I've been feeling a bit apprehensive - a mixture of uncertainty and fear for the future... Maybe it's because I'll be turning 21 soon, on August 18th... I feel as if I'm just not ready to "grow up", I'm still very much a child inside... There are a lot of things I still want to try, and it may sound melodramatic, but I feel as if my small window of opportunity to do things is closing! I feel as if more people are doing things earlier and earlier these days, and finding success... I feel as if I'm soon going to be out of my prime...! Which is utterly ridiculous because I'll "only be 21"!

For example, in terms of language, Japanese in particular... I've been exposed to it since I was such a young child, and while I may not have been aggressively learning it since then - I did start self-learning fairly young (around the end of elementary school and middle school)... I even did Saturday classes during High School!!

It's frustrating and difficult to admit that I feel my level is not at the level I would like it to be - though to be fair it's my own fault. Likely due to the fact that there were gaps in my studying...

That is why....
I need MOTIVATION!
Something to hold me accountable for my studying and progress!
Hopefully my vlog will help...

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Also, my future worries... After I do a year in Korea/Japan... Then come back and finish my undergrad... What then???

I'm just worried I won't be able to do all those things I naively want, and I'll just be in for a ton of disappointment - but I guess that's life...

Dreams I've had since I was a kid... I wonder if I will be able to fulfill any of them...? Acting, modeling, fashion design, baking, owning a cafe, writing, photography, language studies... Hmmm... I guess that's a struggle everybody has to learn to accept as they grow up and mature...?

That being said...
...Enough complaining and angst!
Tomorrow's a new day!
Glad I got some things off my chest - now off to more studying!
Final exam in a few days (my birthday... -o-;;)~~~

Vlog Post #4 - iPhone TRIPOD + 8x Lens~!